Discrimination We Accept

Posted on Thursday, September 3, 2009 in Holistic Living, Transformation | 2 Comments

Discrimination. Stereotyping. Ridicule. Judgment.

 

There are people who experience open discrimination in stores, restaurants, and places of employment. Comedians joke about them. Children cruelly tease and reject them. They are regarded by many as dumber, dirtier, and lazier than other people. Social biases work against them in subtle and overt behaviors. All of these actions and attitudes – behavior we have ceased to accept when it comes to race and gender – are actually embraced and even encouraged against these people.

 

Who are they?  Obese people.

 

My inspiration for today’s post comes from PETA’s newest campaign.  The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have once again sacrificed the ethical treatment of people in their attempt to communicate their message.  Their new billboard promoting vegetarianism features the backside of a large woman in a two-piece bathing suit with the words, “Save the Whales.”

 

I’ve had conversations over the years with friends who admit their bias against overweight people. I’ve also had conversations with my overweight friends who have graciously shared their experiences. The lack of compassion on one side, and the pain it incurs on the other is difficult to capture in a few words. But I will try.

 

Compassion begins when we are willing to enter into another’s experience. So imagine the humiliation of going to a restaurant with friends and being unable to fit in the booth where you are seated. Imagine being cruelly taunted in grade school. Imagine being scorned by the opposite sex because of your weight. Imagine being passed over in job interviews for less-qualified, thinner people. Imagine working hard for months with disciplined dieting and strenuous exercise and no one even noticing that you’ve lost weight. Imagine shopping for clothes when most stores don’t carry your size. Think of the anxiety when going to the pool or the beach. Imagine the impact of this social shame on your self-esteem and identity as a person. You may have many wonderful qualities – intelligent, funny, kind, wise, educated, experienced, compassionate – and be shunned solely on your appearance.

 

A woman I’ll call Kathy confessed to me that she looked down on fat people. She just knew they had to be lazy and undisciplined. She imagined them sitting at home surrounded by empty potato chip bags and ice cream cartons. If they would only eat right and exercise, they wouldn’t be fat. It had always worked for her, so they must lack her virtue of self-discipline. She felt justified in her judgment.

 

Kathy is generally a nice person with many friends who is known for her generosity.  But she has her faults too. Kathy is a compulsive talker who interrupts and overpowers conversations with her many words. She developed this habit as a child when she had to compete with her siblings for attention. Her family spent their evenings in noisy, animated, debates. She was in her 20’s before she realized that people don’t like being verbally machine-gunned over coffee. To this day, she must concentrate on not interrupting others and struggles to leave space in conversation for others to fill. 

 

When Kathy confessed her prejudice against overweight people I reminded her of her own struggles and asked her some questions.  What if your family had been polite communicators, but were all obese?  What if you were overweight by the time you started Kindergarten? What if your parents were really loving, but didn’t have the resources to provide healthy food?  What if you didn’t understand this until you were already formed – chemically and socially – to be obese?  What if you had spent your adult life struggling against your own body, dieting, exercising, fighting against hunger and a culture that simultaneously hates you for being fat and dangles fattening food in your face all day long?  And then what if people – who happen to be thin by no virtues of their own – scorned you because of your appearance?  What if it were socially acceptable to put up a billboard calling you a whale? Thankfully, Kathy got it.

 

Our teenagers like to play a game called “Would You Rather,” in which they ask each other which one of two undesirable options they would prefer. Like, “Would you rather be covered in untreatable acne or eaten alive by alligators?”  For those out there who think it’s a fun joke to be cruel to overweight people, I’ve got a ‘would you rather’ question for you.  Would you rather be a mean, arrogant person and look like a swimsuit model, or be a kind, compassionate person and be obese?  Maybe pure luck has granted you a genetic and familial circumstance that renders you thin. But you still get to choose your character.

 

I can already hear the “buts” coming, saying how obesity has surpassed smoking as our worst public health problem. How about 1/3 of Americans are obese and about ½ are overweight. How obesity is linked to cancer, diabetes, depression, heart disease, life expectancy, and costs the system millions of dollars in healthcare every year. How 80% of obese kids will be obese adults. How we have an obesity pandemic on our hands that must be addressed. How we shouldn’t coddle people but demonstrate “tough love,” as the spokesperson for PETA claimed. Overweight people do not need to be reminded of any of these things – especially through the mouths of people sitting in judgment.  We all have our struggles. We are just lucky if our struggles are out of sight and shielded from public ridicule.

 

People who genuinely care about systemic solutions demonstrate individual compassion. Sanctioned discrimination and social cruelty will not solve the systemic problem of obesity in our culture. PETA once again illustrates my point.  They aren’t concerned with the problem of obesity.  They just used a fat joke to draw attention to another cause. They willingly dehumanize people while promoting humane treatment of animals, with shameless irony.  Too many of us laugh along with the joke.

 

Do you?

What Others Have Said...

  1. Hannah 09/29/09 1:52 AM |

    “For those out there who think it’s a fun joke to be cruel to overweight people, I’ve got a ‘would you rather’ question for you. Would you rather be a mean, arrogant person and look like a swimsuit model, or be a kind, compassionate person and be obese?”

    Oh, this is like Shallow Hal too!

  2. Laura 12/1/09 1:49 AM |

    You’re so gifted at seeing the world from others’ perspectives, Karlene–thank you! I have a friend who lost a lot of weight several years ago and was astonished by how differently she was treated in shops–she had no idea she’d been neglected by salespeople in the past until she experienced how quickly they served her now that she was thin. During the seasons when I’ve lost weight, I’ve been struck by how automatically folks say, “You look good!” (so what was I before–bad? ugly?). Thanks for calling out attention to what is so often unconscious for us.

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